I've been hitting the gym as promised in the first blog. Yea it was supposed to be for the sake of losing a few pounds but the deep down reason was so i could balance myself out, even if it was just a bit. All I've gotten out of working out is a higher stress level and an issue with dairy products. The more i work out the more assholes i meet. (GIVE ME A MINUTE... JUST CALL ME NEGATIVE NANCY) The next time i see you if i say "Go fuck yourself!" thats my new sweet super kick ass way of saying hello. I would much rather kick you in the balls or sock you in the tit but hey no one likes jail, its just too damn cold.
I hate douche bags! Yes a very very broad statement... So many douche bags...
I want to just touch on my latest spike in blood pressure. It's Saturday night I'm bartending my little heart away. Smiling like i like people and their shitty jokes. Possibly even letting someone think that I'm interested in their pervy little "Do you sleep with married men" jokes. I look at my watch and sweet savior obama its 2am! At this point angels are singing and the heavens are opening. Now I can have a shift drink! Really all it means is i don't have to politely eat anyones shit. I had these two guys sitting at the end of the bar who had earlier pissed me off but i decided to give them a chance. They started off their night by whistling at me like a dog and then asking my name. I decided to let it go. However they didn't, I'm pretty positive they thought they were at home seconds away from slapping their barefoot and pregnant wives around the trailer park.
Anyways I kindly asked him if whistling a women like they were Labrador retrievers worked for him, I may have said he was rude and should rethink his approach. All things i stand by to be true. He profusely apologized. Me being the twat i am i just ignored him and continued on cleaning. For the stories sake we will call this guy Wayne, well Wayne brought a friend to the bar Billy Bob. Wayne proceeded to tell Billy Bob that "bitches just can't take complements". REALLY?!?!? BITCHES just can't take compliments, it's been so long since i've received a real compliment i couldn't recognize a whistle as one. Damn me... Well good old Wayne kept trying to think of "that blonde girl that's dating the other blonde girl and the one has a talk show". Apparently they dont get that channel in the park. Wayne proceeds to stop me and say " Hey you would know her. whats that dykes name?" Right there people is when i grabbed their half full bottles of miller high life and dumped that sweet sweet champagne of beers down the drain.
Well Wayne and billy bob got pissed. All i said was you're done, have a nice night. Wayne mustered up every intelligent thought he had and all he came up with was
followed by " fuck you bitch you just have a dick up your ass" blah blah blah... Before i told them they were banned i made sure to say drive home safe! Random story i know but i just wanted to give you all a heads up as to why it is i get a twitch when i go to work. Also it seems like my pain is your pleasure.I feel a little better now that i let that out. Let me please just say the Sarah Mclachlan is the new Sally Struthers but for animals. I mean really everytime i come home from work at 4am or stumble in drunk from the bar i can guarantee that i will turn on the TV to hear "arms of an angel" and see a one eyed no leg dog named tink who needs my help. Really yes i respect that these people are genius enough to pick that time slot. I bet they have made millions! Drunks across America are slurring their credit card numbers to someone in Pakistan crying about a dog named tink and their old dog buster who needed help but they couldn't return cans in time or something. In case you haven't seen the commerical I'm talking about its worse than the starving children in third world countries. That bitch ruined my buzz one night! Something to look forward to the next time you tie one on. If i were you i would throw my wallet away in the taco bell bag before you spend $50 on getting tink a new leg!
**Disclaimer** I mean no offense to Pakistan or trailer parks
