I learned some valuable things this past weekend, just to set you up with the range of where my mind had to go I'm just going to skim through. Ready? Hookers, blow jobs, poker faces, gays, horses, pistols, and sex (for free and money). Best part i spent my weekend with my girlfriend and my dad. Guess who did most of the talking...
I have to retell this story that my dad told me, way to amazing to pass up. My dad was in the army and i love to hear his stories. I think a lot of it has to to with the way he tells them, there seems to be extra little bit of joy when he gets to tell me about parts of his life i knew nothing about. Keep in mind my dad is a bit of a free spirit and really lived his life.*My version of a disclaimer* The story starts in Panama, what he was doing there is unclear. Its a need to know basis and all i need to know is it was army related. After 2 weeks in the jungle they took some downtime. Of course after busting your ass for two weeks all you really want to do is get some. What better place than at a brothel? Lets try and picture this, 8 men sitting at a table playing poker (texas hold'em for those of you who need to know). Object of the game was best poker face wins. Under normal settings this wouldnt be so hard but when there are two different games going on its important to maintain the perfect poker face. Game one is texas hold'em, game two who is getting a blow job under the table? Yes a bit crude my dad is telling me this story but if you knew the man you would know he was so proud of this time in his life. So the object of the game is to hide your O face, the person who showed their "hand" lost and had to pay up. All i could think was jesus christ thats some fucking bonding. I mean really could you sit at a table and let someone go down on you? Not to mention not show the pure joy of it all on your face. Yes i said pure joy, go fuck yourself if you tell me you wouldnt get off on it. Lets think about this:
A) No one knows its you, they think its the 7 other people you are with
B) Its in public (right off the bat most people get excited)
C) Something different and new( always a good time)
I bet your trying to find all of your poker chips and are currently going through your blackberry trying to figure out just which one of your hornball friends would be game. You sick bastard.
P.s I'm in
Sweet mother i almost forgot about operation q-tip. Turns out they should but a warning label on those bad boys for all ages not just small children.
This is my girlfriend and i love her and this face <3
She loves to hide the bad things that she has done like a small child. Sometimes i think she hides in the bathroom and i feel like if i bust open the door i will find her with a mirror in hand getting to know herself. I mean that has never happened but thats more than likely just because i haven't whipped open the door at the right time yet. This particular morning im sitting on the couch wanting to go outside and play to enjoy up north and all its glory...aka roll in the dirt or shoot something. She has me waiting in the couch for a good 20 minutes. Finally i snap cant take it anymore i head towards the bathroom fully ready for the mirror in hand and pants around her ankles only to find her sitting with the sad kid face with a dash of please don't beat me.
I love that people will just fold when you give them a look not even a back hand just a look. She lost the fuzzy part of the q-tip in her ear and instead of asking for help she shoved it into her brain. In case you dont know me i laugh at the wrong moments, needless to say i almost pissed my pants. Man if anyone could kill with looks it would be her. Instantly im fumbling around for a flash light. So here i am with a flash light, my hat on backwards to see better of course, i think i was using my cargo shorts as a utility belt and then i dove in head first. I gave up. To much work and no pay off. I mean really, what is the reward for fishing that bad boy out of her ear? No sexy time but more than likely a pat on the back and a thank you. So i walked out of the bathroom made it as far as the kitchen before the guilt hit me. I like to think that im above guilt turns out im not. What if she poked out her ear drum she can barely hear me as it is. I make it back to the bathroom this time hoping for the mirror, again the let down... no mirror. Just that look again. This time she removed it, which i think she made a deal with the devil because i swear that thing was touching her brain...
I just have to get this random thought off of my chest. I swear it will be quick i think this has gone on long enough today.
1. I love cheese.... muenster the most
2. Yesterday i was behind a student driver and all i wanted to do was ride her ass. She had this horrified look like i was trying to explain the shocker to her. As we got on the freeway she gunned it down 94 so i follow just to scare her a bit. i wont be the only whack job she will encounter on the road. Seriously though havent you ever just wanted to fuck with them? I almost sped up to pull in front her just to slam on my brakes. This poor girl got off at the same exit as me. Wrong move. I think yesterday was just one of those days that i jus wanted to be an ass bag. She looked at me and in my head i was running up to the car and ripping off the student driver sign from the roof. God it would have been glorious, just to rip that bad boy off shake it at her and then jump in my car and speed off in my little red box of craziness. Ha that little psychotic
break should hold me over for a few days.
Do me a favor next time you see a student driver blow them a kiss and give them a wink.
