T.W.A.T.

This could come to be one of my more bitter rants. Well maybe not bitter but frusterated. This all stems from a dinner with friends that led to talk of Oprah and her churches or cults could quiet possibly be one in the same. ** Disclaimer only watch what you can take**

Oprah has single handedly shit in my cherrios today. I feel like she called me and said your not living up to your full potential but here is a BRAND NEW SATURN to help but you on the path to oneness with the world and it will balance your ora. Today is that one day a month that my mom always likes to remind me that i'm not living up to my full potential. However today there was a little different twist to the usual speech. Starts off "Kyle i gave you all of the opportunities you needed in high school i got you the best education, i made sure that everything would be right there for you" Ok my first problem with this speech every single time is, since when has anything been right there for anyone? I mean hello you have to work for it and if you dont have to work for it then you probably look like this...

minus the burger... sorry i was hungry.....

Back to the point yes its true i did not go to college. I'm not dead yet people there is still time. Instead of school i moved out and did shit on my own. Lived life, loved life, found out bills suck and allegedly credit is important. Oops, whatev next time right? But hey fuck it the world was set on a silver platter infront of me and i just said no thank you world i would prefer to struggle and mother fuck drunk people every chance i get, BUT try next door she seems willing to have it all for free. Woof... Ok i'm getting side tracked.

I need to tell you why Oprah shit in my cheerios today. Right after her big speech she takes a sigh at which right away i'm nervous. A sigh from a parent is never good. But then here its is (In a super cheerful voice like jesus himself whispered in her ear)---->" According to Oprah you just have to try harder and dig deeper, its in that book that was her book of the month,

THE SECRET

It will change your life kyle. I've seen the people on her show, i mean they had nothing and now they run their own company! Its all because of Oprah and The Secret"
Clearly they went from a box under the freeway to a penthouse suite all due to fucking Oprah Winfrey and The Secret... ohhh ahhhh

Nope there is no way that this person (if they really do exist) did all of this amazing life changing transformation on their own. Nah fuck hard work all he had to do was read a book and really "think it" and poof there he was on surrounded by money and women

If thats the case i skimmed over the cliff notes and i've been thinking about something for years now so maybe just maybe today is my day?? eh??

Damn it! i even closed my eyes.... her face is nowhere near my crotch... bitch... Welp i guess the secret is secretly a big fat lie like oprahs big fatass.... Now that i let that out i feel a little better... Oprah you're a cunt or a C.U.N.T.

P.s. In the midst of this blog i found out Oprah isn't all that down with jesus... sooo...